It’s been a week and a half since I found out that I was no longer pregnant. (Is there a better way to say that? Had a miscarriage sounds worse.) People keep asking me how I’m doing and my answer is that I’m okay.
Physically, I feel fine. I’ve felt fine since the day after the d and c, really. I’ve read forums online where people have complained about massive cramping or excessive bleeding, but I didn’t have either. I really only have this big bruise on my hand from the IV and even that is fading.
Mentally, it’s harder but I’m hanging in there. Each day seems easier. I spent a lot of last week crying and then I felt cried out so I tried a different tactic of indulging in everything that I haven’t been able to enjoy for the past month and a half.
And wine. And while they all tasted good, they all made me feel pretty sad if you want to know the truth. But like I said, as each day passes, I feel more and more like myself. But it’s weird because since October, myself has been a pregnant self and for months before that, it’s been a trying to get pregnant self, and now it’s like an in-limbo self.
I’m supposed to go back to the doctor for a follow up visit next Tuesday and I guess they clear me for activity then. I probably shouldn’t have, but I’ve been going to the gym anyway. I just really needed to so I could feel somewhat normal. I’ve only been walking on the treadmill or doing the elliptical for now and think it’s fine.
Really, I’m just waiting until we can try for a baby again (the doctor said to wait two cycles). I feel like I got cheated out of one this time.