In Limbo

It’s been a week and a half since I found out that I was no longer pregnant.  (Is there a better way to say that?  Had a miscarriage sounds worse.)  People keep asking me how I’m doing and my answer is that I’m okay.

Physically, I feel fine.  I’ve felt fine since the day after the d and c, really.  I’ve read forums online where people have complained about massive cramping or excessive bleeding, but I didn’t have either.  I really only have this big bruise on my hand from the IV and even that is fading.

Bruise

Mentally, it’s harder but I’m hanging in there.  Each day seems easier.  I spent a lot of last week crying and then I felt cried out so I tried a different tactic of indulging in everything that I haven’t been able to enjoy for the past month and a half.

Starbucks

Sushi

Buchi

And wine.  And while they all tasted good, they all made me feel pretty sad if you want to know the truth.  But like I said, as each day passes, I feel more and more like myself.  But it’s weird because since October, myself has been a pregnant self and for months before that, it’s been a trying to get pregnant self, and now it’s like an in-limbo self.

I’m supposed to go back to the doctor for a follow up visit next Tuesday and I guess they clear me for activity then.  I probably shouldn’t have, but I’ve been going to the gym anyway.  I just really needed to so I could feel somewhat normal.  I’ve only been walking on the treadmill or doing the elliptical for now and think it’s fine.

Really, I’m just waiting until we can try for a baby again (the doctor said to wait two cycles).  I feel like I got cheated out of one this time.

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