Tag Archives: miscarriage

We Interrupt This Broadcast…

To announce that after 9 weeks, I finally got my period.  I think someone should buy me a “Congratulations, you’re a woman now!” cake.*

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

*Please don’t actually buy me a cake.  And yes, with this post, I realize that I am officially a chronic over-sharer.


This is going to be one of those TMI posts. One with period talk as a bonus and no pictures either. You’ve been warned!

I had a miscarriage exactly eight weeks ago. I haven’t really blogged about it lately, but it doesn’t mean that I haven’t thought about it. That’s not to say that it’s always on my mind though, because it’s definitely not and mostly I feel like myself.

Really, I sort of feel like I was never pregnant. I only knew about my pregnancy for a little over a month (I was approximately 9 weeks when I was told there was no heartbeat) and I didn’t get far enough long for it to feel real. So I sort of feel like I never was. It’s kind of surreal.

What does make it feel real though is that here it is eight weeks later and I still haven’t gotten my period back. Google searches have led me to believe everything from it’s normal to my insides are incredibly messed up and I’m doomed to a life of infertility. I was actually supposed to call the doctor, who I saw two weeks ago and does not seem concerned, today if it didn’t come back, but I think I’m going to wait until the end of the month. I’d rather it come back on its own than take a hormone to induce it, though I will if need be.

There was a time when we were thinking about strollers and names and now I’m hoping that I’m actually going to be able to use that tampon coupon I have before it expires. When I started to bleed before the miscarriage, I’d go into the bathroom praying not to see any blood. Now it’s the total opposite. And now I’ve probably totally grossed you out too. (True story about the tampon coupon, by the way.)

Honestly, I don’t think about babies at all right now – just my lack of a period. And hopefully when it finally returns, I can close this chapter and start anew, but I’m still waiting. One thing that bothers more than anything is the fact that I was robbed of a chance to enjoy being pregnant. I don’t doubt that I’ll be able to get pregnant again (though Dr. Google sometimes can be very scary), but I do doubt that I’ll ever fully enjoy it the way that a woman who has not experienced miscarriage can.

Sorry this is such a downer post. It’s not meant to be. I started out writing about how I had nothing to write about and this is what came out.

Lost and Found

For the past two and a half weeks, I’ve felt kind of lost. This one thing that I was really looking forward to, this life changing thing, was suddenly taken from me (and taken from Jason too) and I kind of didn’t know what to do with myself. As much as I tried to jump back into my “old” life, it didn’t really feel the same.

And then I woke up this morning and I felt better. And I think it somehow has to do with running. Not the physical act of running, but the idea of working toward a goal, a different goal, of getting back into the running shape that I was in. I also think my hormones have maybe calmed down, but that’s another story.

For whatever reason, I kind of got re-enthused about my health. While we can’t quite hop on the baby making train just yet (doctor said to wait two cycles), I can get myself into better shape while I’m waiting. What that means, I’m not entirely sure, but running more often definitely plays a part. As does eliminating or cutting down on my excessive stevia consumption, but again, another story for another post.

I have no pictures that go with this post, but have a family-filled weekend coming up so I’m sure there will be more than enough pictures to make up for it.

In Limbo

It’s been a week and a half since I found out that I was no longer pregnant.  (Is there a better way to say that?  Had a miscarriage sounds worse.)  People keep asking me how I’m doing and my answer is that I’m okay.

Physically, I feel fine.  I’ve felt fine since the day after the d and c, really.  I’ve read forums online where people have complained about massive cramping or excessive bleeding, but I didn’t have either.  I really only have this big bruise on my hand from the IV and even that is fading.


Mentally, it’s harder but I’m hanging in there.  Each day seems easier.  I spent a lot of last week crying and then I felt cried out so I tried a different tactic of indulging in everything that I haven’t been able to enjoy for the past month and a half.




And wine.  And while they all tasted good, they all made me feel pretty sad if you want to know the truth.  But like I said, as each day passes, I feel more and more like myself.  But it’s weird because since October, myself has been a pregnant self and for months before that, it’s been a trying to get pregnant self, and now it’s like an in-limbo self.

I’m supposed to go back to the doctor for a follow up visit next Tuesday and I guess they clear me for activity then.  I probably shouldn’t have, but I’ve been going to the gym anyway.  I just really needed to so I could feel somewhat normal.  I’ve only been walking on the treadmill or doing the elliptical for now and think it’s fine.

Really, I’m just waiting until we can try for a baby again (the doctor said to wait two cycles).  I feel like I got cheated out of one this time.

Coping with Miscarriage

It’s been a couple of days and I’m still trying to process what I’m feeling.  It goes in waves – sadness, anger, jealousy, fear and, at some points, normalcy.

My true source of comfort really has been all of the blog comments, emails, phone calls, texts, tweets, flowers, cards and everything else that I have received.  So thank you so much for that.  Really.  I had no idea how much this would hurt and how much just hearing people say that they were thinking of us would help.  A lot of the comments mentioned Jason as well, and I know he appreciated that too. I only responded to the first couple, but really thanks so much to everyone who left one, even if it was to say that you didn’t know what to say. Don’t worry; I wouldn’t have known either.


It’s funny.  When you find out you’re pregnant, the general rule of thumb, if you will, is that you don’t tell people until 12 weeks because at 12 weeks, you’re sort of in the clear.  I guess the thinking is that if people don’t know in the first place, if something bad happens, you won’t have to tell them.  And while I’m glad that I didn’t announce it to the world, or facebook, I can’t really imagine going through this without other people knowing and giving their support.  After writing that last blog post, a lot of people emailed me to tell me that it had happened to them.  Honestly, I had no idea.  I have a couple of friends who went through it but I generally sort of thought that most people didn’t and if you had a baby, you probably had the baby easily.  It really did help to hear that I wasn’t alone.

I went back to work today.  That was hard.  I spent the last two days basically sitting on the couch watching House Hunters and feeling sorry for myself.  Waking up this morning and realizing that, like it or not, I had to move on definitely elicited some tears.

I didn’t get a lot of work done today.  I’m not sure exactly what I did really.  But by the end of the day, I definitely felt better than I did in the beginning and I’m guessing that every day will be like that and that one day (hopefully sooner rather than later), I will feel normal again.

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